Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Smiles, Miles and Miles of Smiles
Years ago, when I used to attend the little Italian Catholic church up the street, known as St. Anthony’s, there was a family I often saw while attending. They were Italian, a mother, son and identical twin daughters. I assume the father had left or died early on because I never saw him. This family was particularly devoted to church attendance and the girls were altar servers. They both had long, dark curls that hung in tendrils around their faces, but what struck me most about this family is that they never smiled. I never saw them crack a smile the entire time I encountered their presence. The children wore the same melancholy and stern expression that their mother wore. I never saw any joy come from any of them and it always made me sad. I wished many times for some sign of happiness to show on their countenances. Years later I heard that one of the twin sisters had married, while the other had become a nun. The brother I occasionally see at Wal-Mart where he works and he still wears that same somber expression. Today, when I went to the post office to mail a package, the married twin sister and her mother were there waiting in line ahead of me. A little toddler scrambled in front of the line and I realized that he belonged to the somber woman whom I had watched grow up in the shadow of her mother. I kept waiting for her to react to her baby’s antics and when he scooted too far away and looked back at her inquisitively, her face broke into a smile that would have shamed the sun. I was so happy for her. As the grandmother and mother were leaving the post office together, they both turned to the child and once again I saw not only the mother’s face light up, but the grandmother’s as well. I waited for years for smiles to appear on those faces, and today I got my wish, though I didn’t even know their names and I don’t think they remembered me from church, either.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Do You Love Me?
Do you love me? I often wonder what the ulterior motive is when this question is asked. Is it a selfish question from a needy and insecure person meant to put a significant other on the spot? Is it a need for affirmation in a world that is often unkind, cold and distant? Should it even be asked? Yes, I love you even when I hate you, even when I am at my wit's end and no longer want to be around you. Compassionate people cannot help but love. Sometimes, the compassion is torn from us when we are very young and we are unable to get it back. Sometimes we are born without it. Sometimes our pre-conceived notions and personal trips prevent us from compassion. Many years ago I used to substitute teach and would often find myself in a small Resource Room in an elementary school working with special needs kids. It was difficult work and the kids were hyper and I was bored, finding the task of keeping them under control mundane and stressful. One little black girl named Christine took a liking to me and would worm and wiggle around me and try to play in my hair and practically sat in my lap if I let her, telling me I was pretty and that she loved me. Christine grew up, her emotional problems following and I would see her walking the mean city streets, often times alone or sometimes with others. A few years back she came into a shop I had rented space from, her clothes tight on a swollen body and her thick hair dyed blond. I asked if she remembered me. She beamed over the fact that I still knew her name, her smile exposing a lack of several teeth and said that she did. She told me she had several children, though I had never seen her with one. When I asked where they were, she said they had been taken from her. I sold her two beautiful glass necklaces at half price and watched her walk out the door and I wanted to call out "do you still love me?" But I didn't. Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me? On this 7th day of April, 2014, may we all be blessed with love.
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